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As a serial monogamist who has never used any dating apps or sites, I am consistently intrigued by this world so many of my friends and community inhabit; the viral space where they connect with each other in the hopes of finding a hook-up, a girlfriend, maybe even a wife.

I’ve heard the endless complaints of how there’s “no one” worth dating; no “cute girls;” that dating apps made for women to find other women “suck.” And while Grindr and Scruff are used for similar purposes in the gay male community, it seems that they have way fewer complaints in that realm.

Do you want the man in your life to respect or cherish you above all?

If you said cherish, you're are probably in touch with your inner girly-girl. Women who know and speak the language men can hear have a huge advantage over other women out there.

He can't follow what your sister's best friend's husband did to his wife. But you can write an amazing profile that draws men to you too. Women who have success dating online don't judge a book by its cover.

If you share the types of stories you'd share with your girlfriend, you'll lose him at hello. This woman wrote the book on how to let a man be a man. She didn't criticize him or tell him how to do his job. True, they worked with me on their profiles, which helped because I showed them what to do to keep out the guys they didn't want to meet.

Instead, there is scrutiny over the racist, fatphobic, and other insults masquerading as “sexual preferences” on their profiles.

This made me curious about the way queer women use apps like Tinder and HER and if we are, in essence, doing the same things in the way that we specify “no butches,” “feminine women only,” “no ghetto chicks” and other statements in order to ward off prospective partners who we don’t see as “our type.” “I have seen apps/sites that allow you to specify ethnicity, race, weight preference, etc.,” says Lauren Hamilton, a frequent dating app user. I don’t want to waste time sending a message to a woman who prefers skinny, white women when I am certainly not that.”I asked the founder of HER, Robyn Exton, how many women specify the kind of appearance they are looking for in their profiles.“It’s a much smaller percentage than you might imagine,” she said.

After the interaction, the participants were asked to rate how masculine or feminine they perceived their partner to be, followed by how sexually attracted to them they were. Men rated their responsive female partners as more feminine and therefore more attractive.

Women, however, did not find their responsive partners particularly masculine or feminine – and worse yet, being responsive was marginally but negatively associated with how attractive they found their male partner.

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